The Art of Doing Less
Nicole here, and I’m going to be real honest with you folks. I am and always have been a people pleaser and textbook overachiever. I’ve always wanted to do well in things that interested me, but would always ignore my needs in order to make it happen. This has been a long-term behaviour that unsurprisingly has doubled down my anxiety, and resulted in years of never sitting still because I felt like I “should” be doing something and “should” be productive. When the pandemic hit this only got worse and my now husband will tell you the thousands of times I tidied or cleaned an unimportant corner in our old apartment because I had to do something, anything to feel productive. The moment my mind felt any semblance of rest it started auto-filling with things I could be doing instead of resting, resulting in burnout and frustration at myself for always being tired. Now that we are outside once again I’ve been giving a LOT of thought to my mental health and well-being and actually started therapy for the first time last year. It isn’t for everyone but I can honestly say that getting some of the noise out of my head by talking with someone has allowed for enough space to start investigating what peace looks like for me and how to cultivate a life that isn’t about being productive, but about finding balance and restoration between busy moments. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve found helpful, and though I am still very much learning about the art of doing less, I hope you find some solace and pause with these thoughts too.
Set your pace
It may sound obvious, but we as humans actually have autonomy in how quickly we react and move through life. I say this because I often forget it. Being a people pleaser, if someone, especially in my professional life, made a request I would respond within seconds with a fully formatted detailed outline of my plans to follow through on their ask. As an employer, I’m sure that sounds great, but when you always run at this frequency, reacting instantly without taking any pause, you burn out just as quickly. Instead, I now try to ask myself, “Can I do less?”. This is not to say to do less of your job or care less about what you’re working on, but instead can you take a breath, a moment, to review and see how this ask affects you in your day, and how to best respond? Do I need a detailed itinerary outline of my project plan or can I simply react with a thumbs-up emoji and call it a day? I am in charge of my own pace and the moment I give up that pace to someone else I lose myself in what other people need and don’t ask what I need to find success and balance. You have so much personal power in setting a pace that works for you.
Slow and know your mind
Living with anxiety is truly one of the most fascinating educations I could ask for when it comes to Mental Health. To have an anxiety attack or even a panic attack is one of the most horrible and bazaar experiences but as I’ve told many people in my life, what makes it worse is that you know in your mind that you are ok despite how your body is reacting. You logically are aware of the fact that you are physically safe (at least in my experience, I have that luxury) but despite any logic, you are still reacting. Knowing how complex my anxiety is and the trends it follows when I’m stressed and overworked has felt like its own Ph.D. thesis, trying to understand that when my mind reminds me of moments where I made mistakes or didn’t feel my best and makes me feel bad about them all over again is actually me emotionally processing something. Or when I’m incredibly irritable and can’t seem to see a way forward, I honestly need to just put myself to bed like a toddler. Slowing down and sitting in silence has been one of the greatest tools in garnering an understanding of how my mind is wired. When I first sit down in silence I often have a sound clip from a song I heard the day before, a memory of someone saying something from two years ago and a to-do list in my head all going at once, but when I give it a little time and maybe meditate or journal to get the noise out of the way I can start to think clearly on what is a processing protocol and what is actually something worth considering. It might not look like I’m doing a lot, sitting on my couch staring at a wall in silence but there is so much good in having a few quiet moments and doing less. By quieting the mind I often find that taking rest doesn’t seem as dire and that I have the power to not be productive at that moment, and that’s just fine. Not everyone’s experience with anxiety is like this (and of course I am no medical professional) but I think there is power in honestly saying that some days are really hard and other days I feel ok but no matter what, understanding how my brain works has been a game changer.
Remember “How human of me”...
I heard this phrase on a podcast and I apologize as I am unsure who to credit, but this phrase has been everything to me. To start a sentence this way relaxes the part of my brain that makes me incredibly hard on myself (usually at its worst when I’m anxious and stressed) because it starts as an heir of forgiveness. How human of me to want to do well and be productive. How human of me to want everything to go perfectly for the people I care about, how human of me to worry about how my day will go. It provides my mind with enough space to find even a shred of kindness about wanting to do less and take rest, how human of me to want to rest so I can have more energy later. I’m not usually one for mantras but this has helped reframe unkind thoughts, and calm my anxious brain when it’s at its worst, so if you find some value in it by all means, give it a try and see how it fits. If it doesn’t work that’s ok but trying to find ways to calm the mind enough to know that rest and doing less is essential to a full life, to me, is half the battle.
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