The Single Girls Guide: When You’re Not Single Anymore
What a journey it has been over the last year! Within the Single Girls Guide, we’ve talked about dating sabbaticals, dating yourself, enjoying time by yourself, developing routines, and jumping back into dating, just to name a few. And now I find myself yet again, entering a new chapter, perhaps like some of you reading this. Although I am dating someone now, who is quite special to me, I find myself holding on to routines and values that I developed in my time being single. And the truth is, although yes I am growing a relationship with this person, I am also still a single person and always will be. A partnership is wonderful and it can be fulfilling and beautiful to build a life with someone who aligns with you and your values, but I encourage you to remember partnerships are a part of you, not the whole picture of who you are.
Now, before we progress here, I feel the need to clarify something. By me suggesting that it’s important to hold onto your single self while in relationships, this does not mean I’m indicating you shouldn’t be committed to that person. No hall passes here! What I mean to say is I believe it’s important to be able to be your single self while being with someone else. So, today I’m going to be diving into what that means, to hold tight to what makes you you, while connecting and growing with another human.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
While it might be tempting to book as much time with your new beau as possible, and perfectly understandable since it’s new and exciting, I encourage you to establish boundaries. Specifically, boundaries with your personal time and the time you spend together. Establishing these expectations is best through a conversation together. You may want to consider talking through how frequently you want to see each other and if there are certain times in the week that you absolutely need for yourself and are non-negotiable. While it might not be romantic or sexy, having a clear sense of when you’ll see each other gives you something to look forward to when you’re apart. It’s very easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship, but remember that although you’re integrating someone new into your life, you still need to make time for the relationship you have for yourself.
Be Present
When you are spending time within this relationship, make it quality time. Something that I’ve really enjoyed about dating this person is that when we’re together we’re very present, putting our phones down as much as possible. In fact, we’ve gone through the last 6 months having next to no pictures together. How’s that for being present? We haven’t felt the need to post or snap pictures because we want to focus on each other. I promise he is real though, Nicole is my witness. We’ve instead made the time for thoughtful conversation and space to get to know each other authentically.
Always Come Back to the Relationship with Yourself
It’s very easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but remember that although you’re integrating someone new into your life, you still need to make time for the relationship you have with yourself. I can admit that in the past I’ve allowed myself to become consumed by the other person to the point of compromising time doing things that made me happy, and not even because the other person insisted, the relationship just seemed more important than anything I needed to do for myself. Not a great mentality, I wouldn’t recommend it. But, I urge you to learn from my mistakes! Make time for friends that leave you feeling joyous, go to classes that feed your mind, body or soul, and prioritize your development or just make sure you’re doing the things you love. Feeling good about yourself, as yourself, will allow you to have more energy for your relationship and can only make it stronger. Prioritizing you is not selfish, it’s necessary.
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