30 Things This Single Girl Has Learned in 30 Years
With my 30th birthday quickly approaching, this single girl (Stephanie) is celebrating by taking some time to reflect on how far she has come and what she has learned, in hopes of helping her fellow single friends who are navigating this world solo. We gotta help each other out ya know?
Things I’ve learned about… Friendships
Friendships are also relationships that require effort, nurturing and quality time. Surprise! You’re not guaranteed lifelong friendships without putting in some work. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I didn’t always realize this. I haven’t always been the friend who prioritized friendships, in fact, I was the worst kind of friend because I would prioritize a romantic relationship over my friendships, a true sin when it comes to your favourite pals. Like many offenders, I would often get caught up in my own life, feelings and what I was doing, who I was seeing, without looking up to think about how my friends were doing. I’m still not perfect at this, but I know that if I want to maintain my friendships, I have to do the work.
It’s okay if some friendships don’t last a lifetime and it’s okay to not be as close to some friends as you once were. We change and grow so much throughout life, it’s unreasonable to think that your friendship will stay exactly the same.
Go out of your way to make your friends feel special. Doing something for a friend will always bring you joy too!
Life can get hectic, but make time specifically for being with friends. This special time will feed your soul through laughter and love.
Friends are usually the people who have known us throughout all the different phases of life and have loved us through them all. They’re still here right? So don’t be afraid to turn to them when life gets rocky. They may be able to offer thoughtful advice because of how deeply they know you.
Making new friends as an adult is weirdly challenging and I honestly still have no idea why. It’s as though at a certain point, society decided that this is the age it’s no longer acceptable to make friends. Decline! Go out on a limb. Meet someone in a fitness class, or perhaps a colleague from work? Get to know each other through your common ground and if they seem cool, see if they’re open to grabbing a smoothie after class or a drink after work. It’s never too late to expand your network and meet new people.
Sometimes just listening is the best way you can support a friend. You don’t need to have answers or solutions for them. Be there for them and actively listen to what you’re sharing and going through.
Things I’ve learned about… Romantic Relationships
8. Actions speak louder than words. We’ve all heard this saying but I have found it to be incredibly valuable when it comes to romantic relationships. Promises can be made verbally, but unless those are backed up with actions that equally align, those promises are just words.
9. Never be afraid to walk away from a relationship that is no longer a relationship providing love and support in the way you deserve. Sometimes I think we get swept up in the clock of life and where we should be by when, so we get caught in the trap of staying in a relationship that is no longer healthy because we feel like we should be in a relationship. There is no clock, there is only your life. So live it the way you want to and in a way that supports your mental health.
10. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. Think about it, you’re the person you’re with from the time you’re born to the time your life ends. So it’s probably a good idea to get to know yourself and love this fabulous person you always get to be around. They’re pretty awesome!
11. Throughout life, you’re bound to have serious relationships and when one ends, dance it out, drink champagne with your girlfriends, move some furniture around, love yourself fiercely and don’t be afraid to open yourself up to love again, when the time feels right.
12. Until you find that perfect partner for you, be your own best partner. Self-love all the way baby!
13. If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
14. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, the timing just isn’t right.
Things I’ve learned about… Adulting
15. Have some single years. After being single for a year, I have to say I have learned so much about myself and what I’m capable of. It’s brought so much confidence to everything I do, because I know I can handle what life throws my way.
16. Establish routines. They may not seem all that glamorous, but they create structure and balance in adult life.
17. A little cleaning every day means you don’t have to do an aggressive cleaning exorcism when you have company coming over.
18. You will always be glad you took time to move your body, even if you didn’t originally want to do the workout, class, run, walk. However you choose to move your body, make the time
19. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you can’t and won’t make mistakes. We’re all doing our best, but the important part is that we acknowledge, learn, apologize and move forward.
20. Having a regular gratitude practice will bring you a stronger sense of happiness and joy in your life because you’ll constantly be looking for things to be grateful for.
21. Take time to think and dream about what you want most out of life, but not so much that it distracts you from doing the work required to accomplish what you want most.
22. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even as adults, we don’t always have the answers. It is completely okay to turn to a colleague, friend or loved one for advice, help or insight. The person will probably be honoured that you came to them.
23. Don’t be afraid to try new things that bring out your sense of play and adventure. As adults we often get caught up in the “Have Tos” rather than the “Want Tos”. What have you always wanted to try? We should never stop learning or playing, so get out there and have some fun.
Things I’ve learned about… Careers
24. No one is ever going to care about your career as much as you do, so be sure to prioritize conversations with your boss about upskilling, constructive feedback and growth at least once a year. If they don’t offer that conversation themselves, be sure to ask.
25. Ask for what you want. This can feel intimidating, but you never get anything out of life unless you ask. The worst your boss might say is no. Whether it’s time off, a raise or more responsibility, your boss may not just offer these things to you without prompt so don’t be afraid to take the reigns. Remember, it’s YOUR career!
26. Maintaining clear boundaries is a must, but can often be a hard lesson to learn especially if you’re someone who cares deeply about your work. As someone who is a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser, know that you can care deeply about what you do while maintaining boundaries that support your mental health and work/life balance. I’ve found this starts with creating boundaries with yourself. If you have these in place, you’re more likely to honour them with your work. It starts with you!
27. Everyone is just figuring it out, so it’s okay if you are too. You are not alone in this!
28. You have worked hard to get to where you are, so celebrate that and take confidence in it.
29. If you’re unhappy where you’re working, look elsewhere. Life is too short to be unhappy in any aspect of your life. You will find another job, and who knows it may be everything you’ve been dreaming about.
30. Be grateful for your past jobs because they are what have allowed you to get to where you are.
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